Blame It On the Berry
by longforlovers
Summary: 'Rachel Berry always got everything that she wanted. Everything.' - Kurt's take on that certain 'Spin the Bottle incident' at that certain house party. Drabble.


**Just stumbled across my first Glee fanfiction on my Livejournal and thought that I would share it. This was written when the Blame It On The Alcohol promo was released and I felt inspired to write aha.**

**Thank you to everyone who replied about Glass Bones & Paper Skin. You are all amazing, each and every one of you, and I'm currently writing chapter 5 this second, regardless of the fact I have to be up early tomorrow. Once again, thank you.**

**Insert the gif of Darren throwing his heart into the audience at his last London show... sob, I have the worst post-gig depression in the world.**

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><p>Rachel Berry always got everything that she wanted. Everything.<p>

If she wasn't being spoiled by her two gay dads, she got the vast majority of solos in Glee club when I was there AND she got all of the guys that she wanted... I know we're supposed to be 'friends' now, even if I do use that term pretty loosely, but I still can't help but feel that hatred in the pit of my stomach that bubbles up whenever I think of her.

And now that hatred was certainly bubbling up right now, acid spitting up and burning nasty little holes in my insides. The scene unfolding before my eyes made me sick to the stomach, fingers itching to tear it apart at the seams like cheap sweatshop made fabrics.

I could never understand how Rachel got everything. I mean, at the end of the day, she wasn't that special. And when it came to voices and fashion sense, I crushed her like an ant. But... she still got it all. It was painful to see her walking down the corridor hand in hand with Finn when they were dating. I knew I had no chance. As hard as I tried, I couldn't get as close to Finn as she managed to. I KNEW he was straight and that it wouldn't change, but I told myself that a swish of the hips and a cheeky wink could make him mine. Becoming his ballad partner did nothing. Matchmaking my father with his mother did nothing. At the end of the day, as much as I hated to admit it, Rachel was right. She'd always have a better chance than me and a higher advantage... just because she's a girl.

Finn being straight didn't stop me from pining for him. No one knows how painful it is... to long for another boy to love you back. Because here in Lima, no one appreciates it when you're different. And no one certainly appreciates it when you're gay.

So there was Rachel Berry, flouncing down the corridors, hand in hand with numerous boys that she liked. That she could like. That she _could_show her feelings for. Yes, I was jealous of her. But what could I do? Just gaze longingly across the classroom, that's what. Scenarios and fantasies playing within my head. First about Finn... then Sam... each dream shattered as pretty little girls snapped them up (although I'm still pretty sure that Sam plays for my team). It wasn't fair. Finn didn't approve of my attraction towards Sam anyway. Why is it so wrong for a homosexual guy to fancy a straight one?

Being different got too much to me. Being alone. And just a part of me wished that I had been born _normal_... Like everyone else. Born to love girls. Born acceptable. But then Blaine appeared. And... it was okay to fall in love with him. It was okay to sing flirty duets with him, to gaze at him from across the room, to wish for his lips against mine because, finally, I'd fallen for a guy _that was gay too_. And I had _certainly_fallen for him. Hard.

Everything about Blaine was loveable. Those eyes, that smile, his voice _alone_ made me weak at the knees. His coolness, his sensibility, his _dapperness_. And then the one thing that topped it all off... was when he showed weakness on Valentine's Day. Blaine was meant to be the strong one out of us. He gave me courage. He made me think straight and calmed me when the tears threatened to spill. He made me happy. And then I found that underneath that bravado, he was just a scared little boy, just like me, trying to make sense of the world and everything within it.

Suddenly, I felt less alone.

But now... there I was, watching him locking his lips against Rachel Berry's...

I know Spin The Bottle is just a _game_ and the whole of the party was under the influence of drink, but it didn't soften the blow which hit me in the chest. Kissing the boy that I liked, the first _gay guy_I had ever had the chance to crush on. Just after I'd managed to reveal my feelings for him. I thought we were making progress. I thought that for the first time ever, something would swing my way.

And there she was. Barging through like a bulldozer, destroying everything for me. And as I just sat there and watched them lip wrestling, the same words rang through my mind... _"You think I'm living in a fairytale? If I were second, or if I were fiftieth, I'd still be ahead of you because I'm a girl."_

For once, I'd found the perfect guy. For once, I'd had a shot at happiness. For once, _I_had the advantage.

And then along came Rachel Berry.


End file.
